Something Blue

 

Source - TIKTOK 

And now... 

There are no plan B's

No plans at all... 

Just Solitude. 

Distance. 

You become the rock and life becomes the water 

You get shaped by it - unwillingly - and you keep rolling - inevitably. 

You try not to get accustomed to your new shape again, because that, too, will surely change. 

Detachment. 

You just keep waking up and keep doing your best for absolutely no reason. 

Taking it one day at a time... 

No plan. 

No dream. 

No life. 

Just this moment I am escaping from. 

And I shall escape. 

Never to be witnessed again. 

Very much alive. 

Permenantly unobtainable. 

All doors that once led to me are now closed 

All bridges are demolished 

Neither old nor new 

(Omg! No more new soul contracts and chaos!!! No more of this... I am completely done.) 

Lonesome 

What is mine is all that which transpired 

Expired

The unchangeable solid facts

The heartbreak 

Even if one finds a way to come through

Old or new 

I won't be here anymore 

I am not here 

Litteraly a new phase of my life 

Not the one I had hoped for but the one I got. 

Being reborn 

Somewhere else... 

Hopefully soon.... 

I have outgrown what already is. 

I am painfully patient. 

I can feel the earth turning 

The unfolding is inevitable 

My freedom was

Unfathomably unfortunate 

A wild animal that will save me by killing me first inside

It is done now and I had absolutely no say in it. 

Transformation complete. 

Awaiting for the energy to gain momentum. 

I will ride this wave to the unknown 

I will do it alone

I will do it terrified 

I will do it with my eyes cleared up from all the tears

The years

I will seem new and old at the same time 

I will do it just to do it. 

Out of acceptance. 

Out of obligation. 

Because it is what it is. 

Those were the cards I was dealt with. 

I have come to understand that I was not made to be loved back. 

To be loved, maybe... Idealised, perhaps... 

But to be loved back specifically by him who my heart calls home... No. 

I don't know why I ever let myself believe anything else was ever possible. 

It clearly wasn't. 

Nothing matters anymore. 

I lost him in a war of beliefs. 

We were both defeated.