Literal Poetry

 On my weakest most purest moments

When my guard is completely down and I am brutally honest and soft... 

I still look for him... 

And I feel a warm wave of sorrow and melancholy washing over my body slowly engolfing me

Wearing me down 

I still cry for him

But then I remember how 

He let me drown

Without moving a finger, without even flinching 

I fell for him, Courageously, openly, totally 

And he just watched me drown

And he is still waiting for the bubbles to stop coming to the surface 

He seems pretty adamant to get the job done

I guess he didn't only aim to kill me, but he also made sure all the reasons I had to miss him drowned with me. 

He was very deliberate and focused on exterminating all of it as if I never was... 

He was really serious about it 

Wow... 

To this day

It's kind of mind blowing to me

I can only imagine a world in which all his dedication would protect a life with me 

If only he was as determined to say Yes - and mean it - 

Instead of No - and mean it. 

But that's what life is, isn't it... 

A series of choices and events that we have to adapt to in order to keep living... 

I know one thing for sure :

Ps At least I was right on one thing: 

He can be dedicated. 

Not quite a man of his word... 

But dedicated, sometimes. 

And one more thing :

I know him now. 

I know him when he is good. 

I know him when he is bad. 

I know him whole. 

I've looked at his every side. 

I know what he is capable of. 

The beauty, the kindness, the passion, the madness and the cold blooded decisions. 

I've felt him in my bones. 

I know him better than most... 

He will always be in my heart.