Synaptic Bloom

 Love of my life

I woke up today wondering 

How your day begun

I would never allow you near me ever again 

But I still love you deeply 

I'd kill to know how you are feeling 

Right this minute 

What are you looking at

Is it a coffee cup? 

Is it a tree? 

Is it her eyes... 

How it makes you feel

Life 

How do you feel about everything 

All of it 

No... Not what you think... 

Just your raw feelings 

Senseless 

On everything 

I hate to admit it 

But 

I miss you so much 

Forever 

I would never allow you into my life again 

But I do miss you 

Love of my life 

You are RUTHLESS 

You know that, right?

Ruthless, meticulous and dangerous... 

I wish you weren't 

But I always knew you were 

I knew... 

I wish I had never met you 

You were never going to be here today

You were always going to be away, somewhere 

I hope the world you gave your heart to 

Loves you even half as much as I do 

Wishing you fulfillment 

As for me 

I am still lying in bed 

In the dark 

Since you won't open the shutters for me  

I have to get up and do it myself 

I wish the music would at least come back

But I can't 

I can't 

The music is sore 

It hurts everywhere 

It screams your name on my face and creates tsunamis inside my body and stubs me in all my vulnerability 

I understand that you had to take my heart 

But I wish you didn't have to take the music, too

They say that the birds song signifies safety 

All the birds are quiet 

Just like you 

(I am in danger) 

Tell me... 

What are you doing now 

I want to know 

Your hands 

The surfaces 

Coming to terms with you never touching me again 

You've made me weep more than London skies 

And you still are my jewel

I want your fire to burn brightly 

Do you ever wonder 

How good it would be... 

I guess not... 

Back to your hands 

No, not your eyes... 

Your eyes are too dangerous for me 

That's how you attempt murder 

By looking at someone 

I've already lost so many lives looking into them 

Game over, every time 

In my few last chances 

I will focus on your hands... 

Just your hands 

The means towards your expression 

Overlooked and beloved but simple in their pursuits

No... I need to forget about you 

Just like you forgot about me 

I need to keep surviving.