Synaptic Bloom

 I finally understand why I am afraid of driving.

Omg. 

Until today I honestly thought it could be all sorts of other things, but I was wrong... 

It all makes so much sense now...

Omg... Of course... 

Of course!!! 

I am 42 years old and I am still having these major breakthroughs in regards to myself... 

I used to think I am too complicated 

But now I know that I never was... 

I accidentally discovered myself while scrolling

What a f*****g revelation 

I feel... 

Validated. 

I feel... Sad... 

I grieve for all the things I have had to let go of

In all areas of life 

EVERYWHERE 

I also feel... Relieved... In the same breath

I feel... Seen and understood 

I also feel... Unsafe... Unprotected... Scared...Anxious

I understand so many things now... But because I do... I am now so anxious of what the future holds for me... 

I am terrified but I also... Surrender 

Everything is happening at the same time inside of me 

Because I fall right into the gap of everything 

Maybe 

I was designed to touch the sky 

Only for a second 

It's insane 

This life...

Of course I had to lose you, too... 

How could you stay... 

I guess it was  impossible... You would never be able to understand me... 

You knew I was different from the very first second... 

I remember... 

You just didn't know how... 

You were never going to sit around to find out 

Unless you actually loved me... 

I guess not.