Letters to AP

 See... 

I talk to you

Everyday... 

I always have! 

Always...

I never stopped... 

I woke up with you in my heart 

Always

With a song, a letter or a poem for you 

Wondering how you cope with the coldness of this world 

Whether you are warm inside 

Whether you are doing well 

Whether you are happy 

Everyday since the day I fell in love with you 

I have never seen a day where I don't pray for your wellbeing 

That I don't long for you 

You will probably obliterate me for it on the first of the month 

On the first of every chance you get 

But this is the truth. 

Do I annoy you...? 

Does my longing for you annoy you? 

Is it a burden? 

I'm just sitting here on the edge of my heart 

You were the one who made me take a leap towards honesty 

I used to hide away all my life 

Nobody ever knew 

I was too scared to speak

I was too scared to live 

I can be a closed book like no other 

But I am open for you, only for you 

In front of the world 

Under this sky 

In the eyes of God 

You have this effect on me just by existing 

I'm sorry you were not just a passing fancy... 

I'm really, really sorry. 

I've been punished for that thoroughly throughout my life. 

Still haven't learnt my lesson... 

You see... I don't want to love only because I am loved back. 

No. 

I want to love because I truly do! 

Because I am inspired to! 

And if I do, then... I guess that's the only thing that matters. 

You inspire me... To love! To live! 

You run like a river through my core 

I can't stop to think what I am getting out of it... 

Nothing human. 

I wake up alone. 

I live alone.

I am getting nothing, because 

It is not a transaction 

It never was for me. 

It is love. 

I don't stay because I am selfish. 

I don't stay because I am mentally ill. 

(Although I must admit that I do have some loose screws of my own 😅) 

I stay because I have found you 

And I genuinely love you 

And I will not make myself kill that 

Because I am not a killer 

I am a lover 

I will nurture the beauty of life 

That's what I do... 

It's my purpose... Generally and specifically. 

In all realms of life

I'd rather stay alone forever than force myself to fit into the boring existence of a loveless transaction just to fit in. 

Just for some comfort. 

Those days are over. 

I know exactly what everything is now, you see. 

I understand how the world works. 

I know exactly what I want... 

TRUTH. 

I want truth... 

I want a true life. 

One that was based on the truth of my heart. 

See, what you failed to understand is... 

That I, too, am a free spirit 

You were the one to open that door with your bare hands, unknowingly so, perhaps 

So now I choose 

I choose... 

Based on the truth 

And the truth always has consequences, does it not? 

But in the grand scheme, does that matter? 

Is that what's important? 

If we don't stand up for the things we genuinely love 

If we don't devote ourselves to them, whatever they may be 

Then what did we come here to do? 

I want to live in integrity, love in integrity and die in integrity. 

I've had a few bumps on the road while I was trying to get the hang of it 

But dammit I'm riding that horse until the sunset of my life 

And so 

For as long as I do truly love you 

I will. 

Isn't it simple? Isn't it freeing? 

It comes naturally... It is beautiful and heartbreaking 

It's life... 

♥️

I am so tired of abiding to the world's lies... 

I guess it's more comfortable for some people

I am not one of those people, anymore 

(to be honest I don't think I ever was...) 

I am awake to a different truth 

A more subtle truth for most 

But to me it is bluntly obvious and undeniable 

Because I love. 

Ps. All that, just to say : "Goodmorning, Mon Coeur ♥️" 

😅