Synaptic Bloom

 This sudden intense longing for him is the worst feeling in the whole wide world 

It's sharp and penetrative 

It's rude!!! 

It comes out of nowhere!!! 

Aggressive 

Oh God, no

No

Please don't let this grief for his absence 

Cloud my heart any longer! 

I don't want to be sad tonight...my day was beautiful... No... 

I never want my tears to be my last concious memory before I fall asleep again 

I have been sad enough to last for so many lifetimes 

Please either bring him to end this pain or help me forget him completely. 

I can't afford to remember him who has forgotten all about me... 

I can't... 

I have suffered for too long

Please God don't let this sadness, longing and anxiety cover me once more tonight

No! 

I disown it! 

Either bring him back into my life immediately or help me forget he ever existed. 

There is no other way. 

I have to... 

I give it all to you... 

I rest my life in your hands. 

Just please take this feeling away from me right now!

I do not deserve it. 

I can't keep doing this. 

No. 

I refuse to be crippled by sadness...

Enough! 

Enough! 

I will protect my heart...

And then I switch the television on to find "Love Actually" is playing... 

I guess I stand no chance tonight, either, Universe ... Do I... 

It's a battle I can never win... 

"It's for you... 

It's all for you, Sir..."