Waves Of Sorrow

 I never had anyone...

I thought maybe I'd found someone in him

I just knew it was him. 

I could feel it... 

Turns out 

I was wrong. 

I was born to be alone. 

That's all... 

My agony was unnecessary. 

We live, we die. 

We love, we lose. 

No more lessons. 

No more agony. 

Just silence and solitude.

My heart, stop racing... 

There is no destination for us, beloved

Only passing people,voices and scenery 

Exist in peace. 

Do not anticipate the best nor the worst. 

Now you know that they are one and the same. 

Now you know so many things you didn't want to know... 

Maybe he only came to kill my dream 

Maybe that wasn't what I wanted, no

But maybe I needed it to be killed. 

And he did that... Better than anyone. 

He was ruthlessly efficient. 

Now I feel lost in a world I don't understand 

I need to relearn everything but I won't do that

I don't care to connect with any of it

With anything or anyone at all 

Everything looks strange to me 

I just want to drift away

I just want to be... Dare I say it... 

Free... 

I cry as I write about freedom 

His second favorite word, after "Delete" 

This wasn't how I expected to find it 

I had hoped it would be a tender discovery 

But I should have known better 

I knew since so early what this life is 

And still I had hoped for a kinder journey 

But this is how it finds me 

Life is a storm one can not take shelter from 

I am alone, (just like we all are) 

in the middle of a sea of my own tears

I stopped fighting with the waves 

I let go

I let go

From now on

I can only relate to the sky and clouds and wind and waves and stars

People... Not so much anymore... 

I gave them the best of me

I have tenderness for them, but I wouldn't want them closer anymore... 

No... 

I wish I was like Enya, living alone in a castle by the sea surrounded by nature, in my own world 

Refilling my cup with the winds of the Lord through my hair 

Gentle sunlight dancing on the walls

Distant ship reaching one end of a rainbow 

Birds singing their morning songs

Flowers blooming trustingly 

Those are the only things I care about 

Away

Away

So far away

Away from this messed up world

I don't want to participate in it 

I only do, selectively, for the sake of others, sometimes 

But I mostly disagree with all of it

All of it. 

It's all unatural in my eyes

And foreign

Or maybe I am the foreigner 

I wish I was Enya...