Synaptic Bloom

 I just had a random memory creep up in my head 

I saw him out one night 

I was going through a very weird eyebrow phase at the time 

He noticed immediately. 

That weird brow phase ended right then and there. 

The minute I felt his eyes examining the morphology of me. 

I don't remember what his words were exactly but... 

I felt... Seen. 

As if he knew this wasn't me... As if he could feel the colours of war on my face 

He knew something was different with my brows - specifically,because he knew my expression 

As if he noticed...that I was at war 

I never expected him to notice anything about me... 

I was caught off guard... 

It felt so good...so incredibly good 

I felt... Relaxed. 

My whole body felt a warm wave rushing through it and it relaxed instantaneously. 

Boom. 

I felt seen. 

As if I was hiding and he had found me... Finally! 

I miss the days he would notice things... 

The days I felt seen by him... 

I miss his natural curiosity 

His wisdom 

The passion in his eyes when he was talking about the things he had read about, the things that were inspiring to him... For hours! 

That very specific smirk he did when he didn't think my joke was funny 

His surprising thought patterns 

His heart 

His patience with me 

I miss that connection... 

How safe I felt with him... 

Until I let him know 

And it all got destroyed... 

It was so pure and true for me 

Even the desire that made my body feel as if I was a rainy sky in pain and in complete innocent agony and yearning 

Defenseless 

But I guess 

We are just two strangers in the world now 

"Two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl 

Year after year" 

The first time I fell in love with this song was while he was playing it with his guitar while looking directly at me... It was as if I had never heard it before... 

I never had the choice to escape it, did I...? 

I wish I could forget... 

Maybe I will... 

Maybe I will...