Synaptic Bloom

This hookup culture is so beyond me... 

Since I was little, it was never my dream to meet a dozen different men! 

I only dreamt of one! 

One to share a life with! To create with! 

I found myself having conventional relationships without any goal just because I was young and it looked like that was the thing I was supposed to be doing 

But I hated it 

Because I knew what I wanted and they didn't

I didn't want to be kissing a passerby 

Giving him my heart 

No. 

I feel like I betrayed myself by giving in to the societal pressure 

I am a woman who craves depth 

If I could do life again 

I would have never allowed access to my heart to aimless passers by. 

Sure, there were some fun times but... 

I have to say that I regret all of the real life chances I gave. 

They were not many, fortunately and purposefully, but still... 

If I could take them back, I would. 

I was not made for anything casual. 

I am not a casual person. 

Casual is a direct insult to my heart. 

To the little girl inside me. 

To every real woman. 

I  am here to tell you, if you are still young and about to start dating boys or men... 

The sacrifice wasn't worth it for me . 

I regret 95% of it. 

That remaining 5% is my gratitude for the things I learnt through these experiences and for some nice moments. 

But since they, too, were without any clear intention, they, too are meaningless. 

Don't get me wrong... 

They were all nice people, but not for me. 

Overall, it just wasn't worth the hype and I don't recommend it. 

Not to women and girls like me. 

I promise you... 

Avoid aimless men in love ... 

At all costs... 

They are not worth your treasures... 

Let them be with their own kind. 

Nothing wrong with that! 

Butterflies were made for other butterflies and swans were made for other swans. 

Get it? 

Just be with yourself. 

Don't betray who you are because someone said that's unrealistic in today's society! 

No it's not! It's not unrealistic because, here you are! Tada! 

And when there is demand there is always supply. 

That's how the world works! 

We are less in numbers, certainly but that's OK... 

You are not missing out on anything. 

It's all just nonsense,anyway! 

And I beg you... For the love of God... 

Whatever you do, close your ears to their words! 

Only look at their actions! Look at their life... 

Their character... Their choices... 

How they react when things don't go their way... Pay attention to these things... 

Only show your precious heart to the man who deserves it...to the man who will protect it with everything he is! 

I've had to learn these lessons the hard way, please, listen to yourself! 

You are wiser than you think! 

If True Love is what you want, listen to me... 

Do not entertain the jokers 

Pull your energy back to you 

Until you know with every fiber of your being that he is worthy of you. 

Then give it all you got! 

There are no happy endings! No reassurances! Life is like wine getting ready in a wooden barrel... There's always going to be challenges to overcome and obstacles and lessons and all kinds of things happening... 

But if you have a man who knows he is a King, beside you... 

Love will always be finding its way 

Through it all... 

Jokers will only waste your precious time and step on your beautiful heart... 

Next time, if there is one, maybe I will get it right......... 

Ps. Repeat after me, deep woman: I am not only the whole damn meal, but also the garden that provided the materials for it and the rain quenching the thirst and the sun caressing the leaves and the wind singing the songs and dirt birthing life. The imperfect human and the prayer being answered.