Letters to AP

 I saw something and realized that 

Well, it reminded me of how you see me 

 And of how it doesn't matter what I say or do...

How much I try 

Yes... It's true... I'm shy for you... 

Because everything I feel is real

I only write to somehow feel closer to you 

To cope with your absence 

To survive the almost occurance of you

This has never been my confort zone. 

But honestly... 

One day

 you will look back and realize 

How deeply I did love you... 

How it was all real... 

Everything... The possibility... 

All of it... 

Oh how much I loved you... 

How I waited for you in my one true life 

You say I am out of touch 

Weird... 

Only because I loved you? 

I think that's offensive... 

You mocking my love for you does not make it less real. 

The Value of my Love is innate. 

It does however make it look unreal how much I have been able to withstand for so many years. 

Wasted devotion... 

And it's also kind of odd how you turned into being just a regular man because I chose you. 

Do you find it THAT odd that I would actually choose you and go hard for you? 

Why? 

You make everything look incredibly complex when 

It really is quite simple, isn't it? 

At least admit this... If nothing else! 

If I have to be out of touch 

It only means you haven't touched me in a very long time, okay? 

That's the only meaning I accept as true for this phrase. 

I am mostly saddened by the conclusions you have reached for me... 

I think you have been rather harsh and unfair 

All along

I have tried every way I could to figure out why and try to give you answers... 

But I am the only one speaking so I can only lose nomatter what I say or how I feel... 

I am an easy target. 

Somebody else would have abandoned this mission long ago... 

But I haven't. 

I never have... I never have... 

After all this harshness 

I endured it all! 

Everything! 

I guess people who endure stuff for love are stupid in your eyes. 

It's the kind of argument that makes anything feel pointless. 

Instead of realizing by this fact alone how deeply and truly I feel for you 

You continuously put me down as this, that or the other... 

I guess nothing is proof enough for the eyes that don't want to see. 

Love does lose sometimes... 

I lost so many years on a person that 

has already made their mind up, despite everything. 

At least I really did try...

I'm sorry you did not approve of the way I did it. 

At least I tried the best way I knew how. 

One day,

You will get it 

You will, because this is how things work 

But all this time lost will never come back 

All these years of you punishing me 

That's it 

This was our story 

You say I talk too much when I live most of my life in silence 

Let's get one thing straight 

You know nothing about me 

because you never bothered enough to... 

Don't bother with my words anymore, either then

You won't understand them, anyway. 

Why are you even here? 

What do you get from reading this... 

If you feel nothing at all about me 

Never click on this page ever again. 

Tada. 

So simple. 

What a simple way to release yourself from my stupid Loveletters and delusional theories... 

From my stupid love and yearning for the man you had decided to never be with me. 

Let other people, from all over the world be the witnesses of the love you could never see, feel, accept or understand. 

I will love you forever. 

I was never the one holding you back. 

Safe Travels...