Letters to AP

 I guess if I could describe this "connection" somehow...

I would say... 

We are some kind of awkward, messed up "pen-pals"

Would you miss my letters of adoration... 

My poems... 

My songs for you... 

Countless words on paper 

My emotions for you on display for the whole world to see

This acking, courageous woman in absolute love 

Your writing on my skin

If tomorrow I dissappeared in thin air, somehow 

Would you miss me, at all 

Did I add to your life in any way? 

Did my humaness speak to your heart at all... 

My open raw heart to yours

Was it just a burden for you...? 

A problem that required a solution? 

Did I challenge your thinking into a different point of view? 

Did I remind you of something that you may have felt, yourself for someone? 

Was it as passionate? As poetic? As everlasting? As true? 

Have you ever felt like I do... I wonder... 

I would want to ask you so many questions!!!! 

Did I at least ever make you smile with my silly sense of humor? 

Do you still have that book I got for you... 

Did you like it... 

I really hope you did... 

Did my love move you, at all... 

It was all true... 

Did it even matter,in a specific kind of way?

Well... I guess, sadly... I'll never find out... 

It's the first of the month tomorrow... 

Are you planning to kill me...?

What temperature will your message carry? 

Will it arrive from the Arctic? 

Will you finish me off... 

I am afraid of tomorrow

I'm scared this time...

Really, really scared... 

Legitimately scared.... I don't know why 

I can feel it in my body 

I'm such a silly goose

I've given you this kind of power over my heart 

But I shouldn't be afraid 

Truth is 

I have nothing left to lose 

You were never here with me 

Only in my heart 

Where you will be forever, anyway 

It was my choice to love you  

Mine alone 

So I will be here to receive whatever you send my way 

I will read it as soon as I wake up 

Even if I am scared to 

I always want to be in my purest most vulnerable state when I read your words 

Because this is real 

Because your Word is sacred to me even when it hurts me 

Because I will follow your lead, nomatter where you want to lead me... 

I trust you that much in a sense 

Because I chose you for this, whatever this may be 

And I trust myself

I know there is a reason for everything 

Nothing is random in life 

I am craving your words so much, even when I'm scared of them

There is no other man walking on the surface of this planet that can reach that part of me but you 

So, if you plan on making me cry more tomorrow 

I will be here for it, too

That's what pen-pals do, I guess

Nomatter what happens tomorrow 

Please know 

I forgive you... 

I love you too much not to. 

I know I shouldn't... 

But I guess 

It is what it is. 

Unconditional Love 

And conditional Eros 

Both states blended into one

Walking a tight line between them

Since the moment I saw your heart

Peace and Catastrophe 

Wonder and despair 

Nothing in between 

Nothing lukewarm 

I'm so sorry you can't feel it! 

I wish you could.... 

Or... 

Maybe you do

Just not for me...