Trying to understand...

 

OK... I can understand that. 

Well... for what it's worth... It was never intentional pressure... 

It has always been urgency... 

A feeling of limited time... 

I only wanted to be transparent with him... 

Not only to free myself 

But also because he deserves to know the exact depth and colours of my love... 

Who it is knocking at his door

Nomatter what happens in this life 

Tomorrow is never promised

And so I always try to not waste any more precious time

I learnt my lesson 

Thus the intensity. 

But I do understand. 

I will stop writing... 

I will stop talking. 

He knows everything important. 

There's nothing more I can do, but keep living...

Knowing that my very honesty 

Was perceived as a game 

When in fact it was a cry

A painting of longing in real life 

My very last, futile, attempt to bring insight and pour light into the waves of my feelings 

I did that for him out of adoration 

I stepped out of my hiding place 

It wasn't easy 

But it was my testament and I had to own up to it

And I wanted him to feel my love as an everlasting fire 

Not as a burden 

I guess my sense of honest urgency 

Brought disaster 

I am willing to own up to that. 

But I am deeply passionate as a person when in love and that's also an important part of my personality that usually remains hidden... he deserved to know... 

I needed to show my intensity because I have been hiding it like a fool for years... 

I guess once fully expressed, it will settle down... 

Ps. My deapest craving and fulfillment is his happiness... 

I only wish him the best... 

Always...