Dream Journal

 You visited my dreams again last night...

Nothing happened. 

You were there. 

I nodded 'hi' 

You nodded back. 

And that was it. 

Your hair was longer than the last time I dreamt of you... 

Ps. I guess we all say things we don't mean, sometimes... I just wanted it to be true... I wanted you to be here... Always... 

Is that too much of a demand? 

Maybe it is... But you made me want it all... Everything... Life! 

I was in love... 

In love with you...

Without you the fire is out 

I only dream of peace and quiet

I dream of a simple and sincere life 

I don't care to be known by anyone 

I only want to remain soft in my brutal honesty 

I only hope for a kind, tender, soft life in return for this loss

Kindness is my only solace 

Peace is my refuge 

My only sanctuary 

Literal Poetry

 I was watching the documentary about Frida Kahlo last night...

They were reading stuff off of her diary 

And there was a part where she was writing about the man she was with before Diego

His name was Alejandro 

She was deeply in love with him 

She said he would read to her, talk to her about poetry... He loved her and she loved him... 

Then she wrote :

And I thought of you.

Not just with my mind 

But with my whole body and heart as well. 

You passed through me like a lightning bolt. 

You are all the men that ever existed 

You wear all their names 

You are all the stories of love 

You are gone. 

Unpopular Opinion : Back to the Basics : Our logic is not enough

 Am I bonkers?

Yes. Yes I am. 

But my whole life has been of the esoteric, of the spiritual, of the illogical, of the supernatural.

If one believes in synchronicity 

What do they actually believe in? 

And if everything can be explained by science, why does that mean that it is any less magical? 

Gradually catching up with the universes greatest mysteries. That is what science attempts to do. They try to explain the wonder. But the wonder has been there way before science has... And there is yet so much for us to understand...

The reason for that is, that anything we can imagine, or perceive is real. 

Let me explain : The room you are in while reading these lines, does not exist anymore each time you exit it. Every person in that same room, holds a different perception of it from yours.

It's not even the same room for all of the people in it in any point in time but, furthermore :

You see?

And so... We're only in the beginning of understanding what this world actually is... But the most important way to understand something is also with the heart... The heart is so much wiser than the brain in my opinion, because it is closer to the truth of the body and the soul without the ego identity playing any part in it... Also:

And...

Not to mention the womb and heart connection for women and all the other wondrous things we are only beginning to ever grasp...

I will not live my life into the narrowness of the self proclaimed wise 

I know there is magic out there

I can feel it 

And that, is proof enough for me ❤️

That is how I live my life 

My life is opened up to everything

Because I know that everything we can imagine, already exists somewhere... 

Imagination is inspiration, tuning into a pre-existing frequency, downloading an idea that has already been actualized, somewhere...

I was made to be tuned into that 

And so I know it to be true 

So much truer than anything else in this world... 

I sometimes fight within myself 

My logic wants to defeat the magic 

Being cynical is, I guess, cooler for most. 

Life gets more predictable and safe, that way, you see... 

But I have since discovered that there is nothing to be afraid of

We are made of the very unknown we have set off to explain 

We are parts of it

The unknown is and has always been 

Within us. 

A meditation by Bashar 

Synchronicity 🌠Current Status : Bamboozled

 So...

Something happened today and I just need to write this down to make sense of it. 

Let's start from the beginning. 

🍀SYNCHRONICITY #1 :

When I moved in to this home, in 2016,I had no idea, but there is a little street above my home, that only has one house, numbered as 1.

Later (2017-ish),due to some documents, I found out that this street has the exact same name of the street he lives and the only house there has the exact same number as his house. Number 1. 

I found out accidentally while walking my dog, who passed away a few years later. He peed (😂) on the sign that had the street name on and I looked at it for the very first time and I thought it seemed familiar to me, but I couldn't make the connection... And then suddenly it came to me and I was like... Wait a damn minute.... I could not believe it. 

I had passed by this sign literally thousands of times but never saw the street name nor had I the slightest idea what his street name was. 

So, in summary, I can see that house from my balcony.

It's not his, but to me it's like a direct, litteral reference to him. 

🍀SYNCHRONICITY #2:

I have offered to look after my dad's dog for a few weeks and, consequently I am walking her up and down that same little road because there is lots of soil there for her to do her business. 

Yesterday, as I was observing little SOL, sniffing the ground, I saw something glistening. I approached. It looked like a Horse Shoe, but it was peeking half way off the ground. The rest was under it, so I thought to myself, noo... That can't be a horse shoe... I mean it must be something else, a broken part from a car or something, since people tend to park there often. I mean... I live in the city, so how many chances are there for anyone to find a horse shoe around here? Almost none! 

So I left it there as it was and eventually headed back home.

This morning we went for her walk again, following that same root, naturally and... To my surprise, there it was! It had somehow been dug up completely! It was a horse shoe.

I was like... What the heck? 

I picked it up and it was in perfect condition. 

I made no connection whatsoever with the place I found it. I took it home with me. 

I googled its significance. Some said it's lucky and that it should be placed over the main entrance of the home for protection and luck and I also found a connection with the ancient Godess Artemis or Diana and I thought to myself: "Hmmm... That's interesting, considering that is my actual name..." 

SOURCE

So, as I was sitting here it suddenly dawned on me... 

I found this at "his" street... 

First of all 

How many chances are there for anyone to find a horse shoe on the first place around here, anyway, and secondly... In that exact location ? After thinking that I should completely give up on him for 3 nights in a row ??? And not having slept at all? 

I was trying to convince my heart to let him go! 

And then this happened. 

I mean... 

Why...

What for... 

It's straight up cruel. 

What do you want me to do, Universe? What do you want from me? Hang on in there... For what? 

He's gone... 

Let me be... 

He's built his whole life without me... 😭

He turned his back on me. 

I don't expect anything anymore. 

I don't need more signs. 

Unless it's a litteral sign he's holding saying : "I'm sorry I was a fool" for the world to see while he's serenading me a song he wrote for me, while also holding flowers on his other hand AND crying... I see no point in signs. 

Yes. I need it to be THAT dramatic. 

If he's not ringing my door bell, the man himself

In flesh and blood 

There is no point whatsoever 

It's just love going to waste 

It doesn't even matter... 

Universe bring him here first and maybe then I will listen to what you have to say! 

Bring him to me, then! 

But until then, I will just treat it as an unrelated incident of luck. 

I will hang it over my door. 

And maybe it brings some blessings, because I am tired. 

I deserve some happiness, respect, pure love and abundance. 

We all do. 

I was made for the soft life. 

I was made to adore and be adored to my core. 

I came here for the real thing. 

And I will never accept anything less than that in however much life I have left to live... 

... A horse shoe Universe....? Really...? 🤦🏼‍♀️

Things need to step up 

Or step away real fast. 

Cause I am human. 

Thanks.

Something True

 "Είμαι χαρούμενος γιατί δεν θέλω τίποτα από κανέναν. Δεν με νοιάζουν τα λεφτά. Η διακόσμηση, οι τίτλοι ή οι διακρίσεις δεν σημαίνουν τίποτα για μένα. Δεν ποθώ επαίνους. Διεκδικώ τα εύσημα για το τίποτα. Ένας ευτυχισμένος άνθρωπος είναι πολύ ικανοποιημένος με το παρόν για να σταθεί τόσο πολύ στο μέλλον. "

~ Άλμπερτ Αϊνστάιν

SOURCE 

Something True

 "They will call you ""crazy"" because you are, because you were born with the gift of seeing things differently and that scares them."

They're going to call you "intense" because you are, because you were born with the value well placed to allow yourself to feel it all fully and that intimidates them.

They're going to call you "selfish" because that's right, because you found out that you're the most important thing in your life and that doesn't suit them.

You’re going to be called in many ways, with many judgments, for a long time, but stay firm on yourself and what you want, and I promise you one day they’re going to call you to say, “thank you for existing.”

-Frida Kahlo

SOURCE 

Today's poem...

 Μου έδωσες την κακοκαιρία

την ελαφριά σκιά του χεριού σου

περνώντας από το πρόσωπό μου.

Μου έδωσες το κρύο, την απόσταση,

τον πικρό καφέ τα μεσάνυχτα

ανάμεσα σε άδεια τραπέζια.

Πάντα άρχιζε να βρέχει

στη μέση της ταινίας,

το λουλούδι που σου έφερα είχε

μια αράχνη να περιμένει ανάμεσα στα πέταλα.

Πιστεύω πως το ήξερες

και πως ευνόησες την κακοτυχία.

Πάντα ξεχνούσα την ομπρέλα

πριν βγω να σε αναζητήσω,

το εστιατόριο ήταν γεμάτο

και κραύγαζαν τον πόλεμο στις γωνίες.

Υπήρξα ένα γράμμα του τάγκο

για την αδιάφορή σου μελωδία.

.

________________________________________________

🖋️Ίσως η πιο αγαπημένη,

 Julio Cortazar

(Μετάφραση: Nathalie)

SOURCE 

Laminar Flow

 Crimson :

The color of my pointless womanhood. 

Dream Journal

 You know...

I did dream about you again last night. 

But I can't remember what it was about. 

All I remember is the length of your hair again.

I once predicted the length of your hair in a dream the night before I saw you in real life. 

Your hair was very short in that dream. And then you showed up and they were exactly like that and I was shocked... 

I didn't know what to think... 

I knew... Just like I know a lot of other things... 

But in last night's dream 

It was in what I call "the awkward stage", you know that specific length where you are trying to grow it out from a very short haircut, close to the ears, a little longer on the back of the neck, but definitely above the shoulders. 

Am I right, again? 

Cause I have no way of knowing, you see. 

I haven't seen you since 2019.

Not that it makes any difference, anymore. 

Nothing matters anymore, anyway. 

And that's all I can remember because I got a rude awakening by my past this morning. 

Stories from the crypt.

Very disappointing. 

Things I thought I had escaped. 

The Universe is poking me to see if I still got it in me. 

The fire. 

Do I? 

I'm tired of it all. 

I'm tired of carrying everybody else's sh*t all my life. 

It's all messy now . 

My hair, my life, my feelings, my relationships 

I just 

I just can't seem to find it 

That space 

I am the odd piece of the puzzle 

Today it bugs me that you can just show up in my dreams like that. 

You never, ever showed up in real life for me... 

I don't want to see you in my dreams, either. 

You are just like the rest of them... 

You're just like them. 

From the moment I met you  

All you've done is break my heart with such, consistency. 

You are just like them...

You are so much like them that you feel familiar. 

Don't ever come in my dreams again. 

I don't want you there, anymore.

I wanted you to be here in real life. 

I gave you too many opportunities to waste. 

I don't want to dream about anything anymore. 

I just want to be calm on my own. 

Miles and miles away from anything 

Or anyone who hurts me like you do. 

Love has always been a losing game for me, anyway 

I have nothing left to lose, anymore.

It's going to be me in the end...just like it always has been. 

Laminar Flow

 Maybe I became a heretic

Because I fell in love with one 

And although we are two very different individuals 

I had to break myself 

In order to love him

In order to attempt to understand him 

And that journey 

Changed me forever 

And now I can never or will never settle for anything  other 

Than the beating of my own heart 

I'm gone 

Forever. 

SOURCE 

SOURCE 

SOURCE 

Laminar Flow

 People from my bloodline

Fight their whole lives with their pasts 

They still try to find closure for their shortcomings and life stories 

Some wounds never close and the urge to self correct is within us 

Our Wounds... 

They can run deep 

Only by addressing them relentlessly, out in the open and absolute forgiveness can heal it all

I have realised that nomatter how much we want to just "move on with our lives" 

What is directly unadressed, can and will haunt us. 

Unless there is transparency, some kind of mutual understanding and total, radical forgiveness, these wounds can only be conceiled, festering like a desease waiting to manifest ... They can never, ever heal.

Because you can never ignore what is real. 

And a version of events can never replace the truth the nervous system and the body remember. 

We can lie to other people about how deeply wounded we are by other people's behaviors or by our own 

But never to the temple of our body

That is a part of an all seeing God

Some call it a heavy conscience

Nomatter what you call it

It is real. 

Jordan Peterson once said in an interview something along the lines of :

"In my line of work, I have never seen anyone ever, get away with anything at all. It never happens. We all pay in full for everything we did and didn't do. Nobody ever escapes that. "

So, never believe interactions are meaningless. They never are. Every single thing can and will become a piece in the colorful tapestry of our lives. Everything is energy. Everything changes our course and direction.Even slightly, because we are of this world. There is nothing meaningless enough to not move us at all. Everything matters.

So do your best to always make it a point to resolve, heal, give the closure, receive it... And I will do my best to do the same. 

Nothing else matters as much. 

I promise.

The most important thing in life is not to appear noble, but to be noble. 

It is not to believe in forgiveness, but to forgive and allow others to forgive you, back. 

It is not to preach about love, but to try to become it... 

And from there

Freedom will be just around the corner. 

But there can never be any kind of freedom without a savage acknowledgement of what has really been and the greatest leaps of faith in life :

 The surrender to - even the responsibility of - love.