Dream Journal

 You know...

I did dream about you again last night. 

But I can't remember what it was about. 

All I remember is the length of your hair again.

I once predicted the length of your hair in a dream the night before I saw you in real life. 

Your hair was very short in that dream. And then you showed up and they were exactly like that and I was shocked... 

I didn't know what to think... 

I knew... Just like I know a lot of other things... 

But in last night's dream 

It was in what I call "the awkward stage", you know that specific length where you are trying to grow it out from a very short haircut, close to the ears, a little longer on the back of the neck, but definitely above the shoulders. 

Am I right, again? 

Cause I have no way of knowing, you see. 

I haven't seen you since 2019.

Not that it makes any difference, anymore. 

Nothing matters anymore, anyway. 

And that's all I can remember because I got a rude awakening by my past this morning. 

Stories from the crypt.

Very disappointing. 

Things I thought I had escaped. 

The Universe is poking me to see if I still got it in me. 

The fire. 

Do I? 

I'm tired of it all. 

I'm tired of carrying everybody else's sh*t all my life. 

It's all messy now . 

My hair, my life, my feelings, my relationships 

I just 

I just can't seem to find it 

That space 

I am the odd piece of the puzzle 

Today it bugs me that you can just show up in my dreams like that. 

You never, ever showed up in real life for me... 

I don't want to see you in my dreams, either. 

You are just like the rest of them... 

You're just like them. 

From the moment I met you  

All you've done is break my heart with such, consistency. 

You are just like them...

You are so much like them that you feel familiar. 

Don't ever come in my dreams again. 

I don't want you there, anymore.

I wanted you to be here in real life. 

I gave you too many opportunities to waste. 

I don't want to dream about anything anymore. 

I just want to be calm on my own. 

Miles and miles away from anything 

Or anyone who hurts me like you do. 

Love has always been a losing game for me, anyway 

I have nothing left to lose, anymore.

It's going to be me in the end...just like it always has been.